Was feeding Rachel dinner last evening and ended up blasting at her. Mealtimes (esp dinners) with her is becoming more and more like a competition of tug-of-war.
First, it was about her being choosy with her likes and dislikes of food. Then, it became a coaxing game trying to get her to finish all the food placed in her bowl. Now, it has become a waiting game where she will walk around as she pleases when she eats her dinner and
I got so mad with her last evening when she refused to listen to me and walked about as she pleased. I told her to finish her food before she played with her toys. She simply ignored my words and walked away. That made my blood boil. I cannot tolerate this behaviour any longer. I shouted very sternly and loudly at her to FINISH HER FOOD!!! She still thought that I was joking. I went over and grabbed her by her arms and made her stand in front of me. I blasted at her one more time, " I AM VERY ANGRY WITH YOU!! STAND STILL & FINISH YOUR DINNER!!!!!!!"
She was shocked and for a moment, I saw that she was afraid and wanted to cry. But being the headstrong and stubborn her, she held back her tears as if a response of rebellion. In the end, the mummy "won" and she finished all the food.
I was so upset over this incident that I could not talk to her after that. I am really at a loss. I told myself not to raise my voice at her or lose my cool at her but I have not managed my temperament very well. Sigh... I am not sure how to discipline her.
It was with a heavy heart that I wrote this post. This is certainly not what I envision good parenting should be. It is my constant prayer that the Lord will give me the wisdom and patience to train up my child. The only consolation is that Rachel will probably not remember this incident when she grows up.
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